How Gotz Stole Christmas
by Froed The Battletoad
Summary: A Harvest Moon take an one of my all time favorite stories, How the Grinch Stole Christmas!


Disclaimer: I do not own Harvest Moon or How the Grinch Stole Christmas. Two great minds do.  
  
How Gotz Stole Christmas  
  
Christmas was coming, the day was so near  
  
a day full of presents, candy and cheer.  
  
A day where all townsfolk, the young and the tall  
  
would party all day, and just have a ball.  
  
There was one man, however, a huge burley grump  
  
Who would spend Christmas alone, sleeping in his dump.  
  
Gotz was his name, a woodcutter by heart  
  
not happy was he, even when at K-mart.  
  
As he sat in his cabin, alone in the woods  
  
A great scowl appeared, as he pulled up his hood.  
  
"I hate Christmas" he said, shouted into the air  
  
"I hate it so much, I pull out my hair!  
  
Every single year, the brats in the village  
  
They run out from their beds, they go on a pillage!  
  
They wake up so early, to run to a tree.  
  
and rip up the presents, one, two, and three!  
  
The toys that they get, are so freaking loud  
  
You could hear them even if you were up on a cloud.  
  
They get squeaky toys and furbys and elephant's from zoo's  
  
Barneys and Guitars, even hotrods too!  
  
The ruckus they cause makes my head ache  
  
It continues all day till no more can I take!  
  
And then they feast on the thing I hate least  
  
Relaxation tea, and a leg from a beast!  
  
But the thing I hate most, more than any other thing  
  
Is the crowd at the village, when they begin to sing!  
  
It starts of low, but quickly will grow  
  
To the loudest racket the world could ever know!  
  
I can't stand in no longer, This Christmas is through  
  
I will stop it at all costs, if it's the last thing that I do!"  
  
And with that, ol Gotz got to thinking.  
  
He thought and he thought, though his spirits were sinking.  
  
How could he stop it, what would he do  
  
He thought of every trick, every one that he knew.  
  
And then old Ben the otter, his faithful sidekick  
  
Walked up to him happy, head thick as a brick.  
  
"Out of my way!" yelled Gotz in a rage  
  
As he kicked poor old Ben right off of the page.  
  
Into a tree he did fly  
  
Into a pile of snow, that covered his eyes.  
  
When he immerged, snow covered him thick  
  
It gave him the appearance of old Saint Nick.  
  
As Gotz stared, his puzzle was solved  
  
He knew how to stop Christmas and all kids involved!  
  
He would dress up as Santa, a big giant fake  
  
Sneak into their houses, the presents he'd take!  
  
Digging out Ben, he ran to his house  
  
To ruin our Christmas, the big dirty louse!  
  
Your a mean one... Mister Gotz  
  
Your an ugly, fat, old slob.  
  
Your face is full of whisker  
  
Your heart is cold as ice  
  
Mister Gotz....  
  
Three words describe you and I quote:  
  
Stink  
  
Stank  
  
Stunk!  
  
As Gotz looked in the mirror with a big ugly sneer  
  
He stared at the image, a fake did he appear  
  
A crummy red suit and a frizzled old hat  
  
and his beard did appear like grizzled old rat.  
  
Ben hung his poor head as he looked at ol Gotz  
  
He flinched as he fastened his belt in a knot.  
  
And then the big brute turned his eyes onto Ben  
  
"You'll be my reindeer, and carry me then!"  
  
As Gotz sat on Ben's back holding an old dirty sack,  
  
He pulled out a whip as it gave out a crack  
  
"Mush!" Bellowed Gotz, as they moved through the woods  
"I'll have my revenge by taking their goods!"  
  
And when they got to the first house, Yodel farm they did stop  
  
Gotz climbed up the roof with a skip and a hop.  
  
Down the chimney he went getting stuck once or twice  
  
Until the bottom he got, eyes cold as ice.  
  
He crept and he snuck, stuffing toy in his bag  
  
taking everything he saw and an old dirty rag.  
  
But just as he crept to the tree he did see  
  
Shy little May, staring at he.  
  
"Gotz," she said, in a sweet little voice  
  
"Why are you taking my tree and my toys?"  
  
"I am Santa, not Gotz" the big faker faked.  
  
"And I'm fixing your tree, it's a piece of cake.  
  
You see this light here, it won't light right while I'm near.  
  
I'll fix it back up, and I'll bring it back here."  
  
"You can't fool me Gotz, you stink like a skunk.  
  
And you're stealing my toys, like a big dirty punk."  
  
And as Gotz stood accused, he thought of a plan  
  
"Hey look, a distraction!" and out he did ran.  
  
And then he went to all the other kid's houses,  
  
Not even leaving dirty rags for all of their mouse's.  
  
You're a mean one... mister Gotz  
  
You're as big as an ox  
  
Your heart is nonexistent  
  
You're as ugly as a gnome  
  
Mister Gotz  
  
If forced to choose between you and a rabid chimpanzee on crack, I would choose:  
  
The rabid chimpanzee!  
  
And as Gotz did leave the village the last he did take  
  
Was the tea and the leg, and a big juicy steak  
  
And off into the mountain he and Ben went  
  
to the tip of the hill, in the car he did rent.  
  
"I'd like to see them now" the big faker sneered  
  
"As they go to their toy's to look and peer.  
  
When they see it's all gone, their mouths will all hang  
  
And they'll all cry like babies, saying curses and dang!  
  
This is a sound that I must hear!"  
  
And as Gotz leaned down to the village, he held a hand to his ear.  
  
And low and behold, as sound did appear!  
  
It started off slow, so very low  
  
but then it did verily begin to grow.  
  
But it wasn't the sound of curses and groans  
  
It was a sound that caused him to moan.  
  
The townsfolk were singing, it was all just the same!  
  
They didn't care for their presents, it was all just so lame!  
  
Gotz stood in the snow, shocked and amazed  
  
They sang just the same as he stood in a daze  
  
He hadn't stopped Christmas from coming, he was in a rage  
  
It had come just the same for kids of all age!  
  
"How can this be?" Gotz puzzled out loud  
  
"How can they be such a happy crowd?"  
  
"I took all their presents, their trees and their rags,"  
  
I didn't even leave them their old shopping bags!  
  
And yet still they sing, happy and jolly  
  
Could Christmas be more than just some stupid folly?  
  
Gotz puzzled and puzzled until his puzzle was solved  
  
Maybe Christmas, he thought was a little involved.  
  
Perhaps presents and toys were not just what they seemed,  
  
It was the love that was involved that was all that was deemed.  
  
And for the first time ever, Ol Gotz did feel  
  
The warmth and the happiness, and all the zeal  
  
"Come Ben!" He shouted, "We're heading back there  
  
We'll give back there presents, and all that was theirs!"  
  
And off like a rocket, they did go  
  
Until the arrived in a flurry of snow.  
  
"I have brought back your presents, for all that you taught me!  
  
You have shown me the light of what's right! I can see!"  
  
And merry old Harris did walk up and smile  
  
"It's nice that you see that, but it's not worth my while.  
  
You have been charged with ten cases of stealing  
  
You can spend Christmas in jail with your new sense of feeling."  
  
And off did he go, Gotz did go into jail  
  
And he cursed as the noises began his own personal hell.  
  
"I hate Christmas!" he muttered anger plane on his face.  
  
"Next time I will figure out how to steal it from this place!"  
  
THE END :)  
  
***********  
  
Heheh. This is what happens when boredom strikes. Don't let it happen to you, it's an ugly thing :) Anyways, as you undoubtedly know, this poem was based off of Dr. Sues' "How The Grinch Stole Christmas." It's a great story, and if you've never read it YOU ARE A VERY DEPRIVED PERSON!!!! Anyways, hope you all like it. I had a somewhat difficult time making everything rhyme (I have a lot of respect for poets now), but I think it turned out alright.  
  
Merry Christmas :) 


End file.
